When AHHHhh becomes OUCH! (Pain during sex)
06 Sep 2016

When AHHHhh becomes OUCH! (Pain during sex)





Sex should always be pleasurable for all parties involved. But sometimes sex can be really painful, no matter how much you want to be having it! So what’s going on? Many women will experience pain during sex at one point or another in their lives, so there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about but we need to be mindful of what could be happening.  Also you should express the problem to your partner so that they can know what’s going on. No one wants to unwillingly hurt their partner, and pain during sex can put a stress on a relationship so keeping secrets from them won’t help. By keeping them informed, they will better know how to help, and you can both work as a team towards a solution.

Painful sex should not be ignored and needs to be addressed as soon as possible. Here is a list of the most common sources of pain during penetrative sex:

1. You aren’t lubricated enough: Lubrication is essential to pleasurable sex. As a woman gets aroused she produces more vaginal secretions and the vaginal opening widens, making penetration more comfortable. The problem is that just because your brain is aroused, doesn’t mean your body is ready. It takes several minutes after your brain decides it wants sex for your body to catch up. So it is important to not rush things; foreplay and knowing what gets YOU hot will help here. Birth control, stress, menopause, age and other medications can affect your natural lubrication; in these cases, no matter how turned on you are, you may never reach a desired level of lubrication. Don’t hesitate to pick up some lubricant to help you out. Nowadays there are many different varieties available making it easy to find something that will work for you.   

2. You have an infection: Yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, sexually transmitted infections such as Chlamydia, and pelvic inflammatory disease can all be sources of pain during sex. This does not mean that if you are experiencing pain during sex you have an infection. However, if you suspect something, refrain from having unprotected sex until you are certain of what is happening. Don’t stress, with the appropriate medication most infections are easily treatable.

3. Vaginismus: This is a condition where contractions in the vaginal opening cause pain. These involuntary contractions happen when contact is made with the opening (similar to how you blink when air is blown into your eye) and can sometimes make penetration completely impossible. Some believe vaginismus to be caused by psychological issues such as stress and trauma while others believe it to be spontaneous, having no particular cause. Therapy, botox and physical exercises are some of the treatments available for this problem.

4. Your Mind: It is very common that we are worried about something or that our brain is telling us something is not right.  There are countless situations where your mind will be busy and you will not be in the mood. Also your mind could be telling you not to get involved with someone and will cause your body to flatly reject them. Never ignore what your mind is telling you! If all other options are out of the question, maybe it’s time to consider consulting a therapist to help you find out what’s underneath the issue.

Whatever the reason for your pain, know that there is a solution out there.  There is no reason for someone to endure painful intercourse, and most importantly, never get caught in the belief that you must do it to make your partner happy, being pressured to have painful sex will only make matters worse. With a positive attitude, communication and the help of experts, you can get back on the path to pleasure town! In the mean time, remember that penetration is not the be all end all of sex. You can choose to see this problem as an opportunity to explore your sexuality! Kissing, oral sex, erotic massages, fondling and masturbation are just a few examples of some of the activities you can engage in that don’t have to include penetration but can still be incredibly pleasurable. You may be surprised to discover some new favourites! The key as always is to communicate your needs and put your health and well being first.

Remember that only a doctor or gynaecologist can diagnose these problems! If you suspect a problem head over to a clinic so that a professional can better assess the situation and help you find a solution. Has this happened to you? How did you resolve it? Questions? Drop me a line below!

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image from cosmopolitan.com

Delphine DiTecco

Sex Enthusiast, Writer, Researcher, Performer, Makeup and Product Lover Masters Student in Women and Gender Studies Honours B.A. in Psychology Podcast Host and Creator of Broke and Horny


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