14 Feb 2017
Do You Need To Really Do It On Valentine’s Day? The Pressure!
Ah Valentine’s Day… One of the most controversial holidays! Some people love it because it makes them feel romantic or take a moment to appreciate their loved ones (whether it is their partner, or friends and family)! Others dislike it because it makes them feel lonely, while still others feel it is a holiday simply created to make people spend more money. Wow… this is getting pretty heavy… and I haven’t even begun talking about sex yet! So what about sex on Valentine’s Day? Of course because Valentine’s Day is supposed to celebrate love, sex is often thrown into the mix. Lingerie and sex stores market to men and women, and try to sell products with the pitch that they will help you have your sexiest Valentine’s Day yet. So originally, I wanted to write something about how you can have a sexy lovers’ day, but then the more I thought about it, the more I realized that there is actually a lot of sexual pressure that surrounds this holiday. All this pressure can cause anxiety for many, to the point where it can completely ruin your special day! Many develop sexual expectations for Feb 14th, and these are ultimately unhealthy and not productive to a happy sex life. So today I present you three examples of sexual expectations that can surround Vday and how to deal with these.
If you are in a new relationship and have yet to have sex, there can be a lot of pressure felt to do so on this day. This is often seen in teenage/young adult relationships, with some feeling like they might need to lose their virginity on this day, but can also happen in older relationships. Now, if you feel pressured to have intercourse or do other sexual acts you have yet to do on Valentine’s Day, think about it this way…it’s just 24 hrs…like any other. Why let a holiday determine how you feel about your own sexuality? When you really look at it from a logical perspective… that it’s just a period of 24 hours like any other… it seems a little ridiculous no? Now of course, if you do feel ready and you were saving the special moment for today…by all means go ahead! But if you aren’t ready, a number on a calendar should not pressure you. Most importantly, if you don’t feel ready or feel uncomfortable in any way, it won’t make for a fun or pleasurable experience..no matter what holiday it is. Finally, if you are with someone who cares about you and loves you, they should be receptive to your level of comfort. Someone is pressuring you into sex for Vday? That person is probably not the best for you! There are so many activities that you and your new partner can do on Valentine’s Day that do not have to be sexual. Don’t be shy to express to your partner how you feel about such pressures and where you are personally at. If they aren’t receptive: it may be time to reconsider!
So you’re single, all you can think of is about how all your coupled friends are going to have especially mind blowing sex tonight (spoiler alert: this isn’t necessarily true), and how you need to GET LAID! There can be a lot of pressure felt by singles to have sex on Valentine’s Day, leading to people having sex for reasons that aren’t that great. If you feel bad about the idea of being single, you are assuming that being in a relationship is ultimately better than being alone. Although relationships can be fantastic, some can be horrible too, and it is just false that one is better than the other. What isn’t false though, is that being alone is better than being with someone just for the sake of not being alone..or being with the wrong someone. So now that we’ve made that clear, what about sex? If you are jumping in bed with someone just so you don’t wake up alone the next morning, you might not feel so good about your decisions afterwards…and the sex? Might be pretty “blah” instead of “oh my wow”. Now this doesn’t mean that one night stands, booty calls, friends with benefits, or random hookups are to be frowned upon on Valentine’s….it’s your body and your sexuality, so do what feels good and what turns you on! But the reasoning behind it is what really matters. If you are just doing it to feel like you aren’t alone, or because you feel like society says you have to have sex on this day…that’s a bad idea…if you’re horny and into it because sex can feel great? YAY! If you are feeling sexy and horny but have no one in particular that interests you, remember you can always please yourself (probably better than a random person will)! A nice bubble bath, your favorite delivery food, a new sex toy…these are all some activities you can do solo on Vday (and no one needs to know). Bonus? You won’t have to argue about what restaurant to go to.
Now it would seem like the sexually active couples have it the best right? They get to do something romantic together, and then finish it off with the best sex of their lives! Right? Wrong! There can be soooo much pressure on couples on this day. Both members scrambling to figure out something that is original and romantic, thoughtful and sexy…this can easily lead to disappointment. And what if one of you isn’t feeling good, or one is tired because Valentine’s Day was on a week day and they had a really long work day, or one just can’t get out of their head and is having trouble having an orgasm… does this mean you have failed as a couple? Of course not… and on any other day these kind of things would probably not bother you that much. But now the pressure of Valentine’s Day is making you stress out trynna come up with some kinky activity you’ve never tried. Trying new things can be fun…and this is what they should be, fun! Not some kind of stressful thing where you feel like you have to put on the sexual performance of a life time. I’m not saying to forget about sex completely, if you think you’ll feel sexy in that lingerie, or you want to devote some more time to sex, or try a new move, that’s great! Just don’t make this the focus of whether your Valentine’s Day is successful or not. Often, it’s in the little things; taking the time to tell your partner how attracted you are to their body (be specific, it feels more personal! For example: I love how big your shoulders feel when you’re on top of me…), telling them how you appreciate the time they put into pleasuring you, talking about some past times that were extra sexy and how fun that was, or even laughing about times were things didn’t work out (ever fallen off a bed trying a new move?), or taking the time to ask your partner what they like, what they would like more of, or what they want to try one day… These little attentions can be much more meaningful than say… ten extra minutes of oral sex, some sex game bought at a store, or a new pair of panties. Remember great sex isn’t always about…well sex! It’s not about that one mind blowing time, but rather about the bond you create over along time, about being open when things aren’t feeling right, about appreciating each other’s bodies and about making the choice to accept both your body and someone else’s.
So with that being said, stop the expectations and just go out and enjoy today! Take an extra five minutes for loved ones. Tell your parents you love them, surprise a sibling or friend with some chocolates, love yourself, get sensual, have a sexy hookup, eat your favorite food, watch a romantic movie… or a horror movie..wtv it is… just do what feels best to you, just like you should on any day!
Enjoy the love, enjoy yourselves! Happy Valentine’s! Questions? Drop me a line below!
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